100% Bizarre

One of many issues I’ve all the time cherished about beat ’em ups was that, as a style, they’re a clean canvas. The system is ready, you simply need to construct the the place, why, and the way behind it. This lets the builders actually go wild when making a few of these video games. As a baby of the arcade heyday, I’ve fond recollections of traditional video games like Ultimate Struggle and X-Males. However one factor that all the time stood out to me was simply how batshit loopy a few of the boss designs have been.

You would simply inform that the builders needed the most important, weirdest factor to indicate up and make the gamers go “wow”, and it labored. It really works so nicely in actual fact that a long time later I’m right here to inform you the highest ten weirdest bosses in beat em ups. So put your quarter up and browse forward as we journey the sunshine unbelievable in entrance of the nice and cozy glow of the CRT. Let’s get bizarre. 

Zipang – Battle Circuit

A robotic knight wielding a lance with some type of fancy stand mixer affixed to his again stirring a demon pot whereas using a two-headed snail monster. That may be a sentence I’m comfortable to have the ability to write. Ten-year-old me would have thought this was the best factor ever. In an alternate universe, I’ve this tattooed on my neck simply above the scars from a shark chunk. I’ve to offer credit score to the designer right here. To take all these disparate elements and be capable to create one thing cohesive but so unbelievable is an actual credit score to them and a testomony to simply how a lot enjoyable these people designing bosses again within the day.

Blood Puppets – Splatterhouse 2

Splatterhouse was my first horror-themed beat ’em up and nonetheless an absolute favourite. A ‘roided out not-Jason Vorhees kicking the heart out of all method of demons and monsters is simply gaming catnip for me. There’s quite a bit to digest in a recreation like Splatterhouse however out of every part, the one factor I carry up each time I meet a fellow fan are the Blood Puppets. Right here you go, right here’s a room the place fetus creatures hanging from ropes drop down from the ceiling and vomit inexperienced goo at you. And also you’ll use a chainsaw to kill them. A bit cringey by right now’s requirements? Certain. However for the time, this was fairly hardcore stuff. Additionally, Blood Puppets is my Gregorian chant Meat Puppets cowl band. Coming quickly to a VFW corridor close to you.

Dr. Fessenden (Ultimate Kind) – Cadillacs & Dinosaurs

You possibly can’t go improper with an excellent remaining type. Appears like opening a Christmas current solely the current desires to show everybody into dino mutants and rule the world. The ultimate boss of Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, Dr. Fessenden mixed his mind with the energy of the mighty dinosaur in what’s mainly a Kuato scenario from Whole Recall. There’s one thing about this one which simply caught with me. The rosy pores and skin tone of the two-head dinosaur, the weirdly disagreeable, virtually Giger-esque alien Fessenden physique protruding of the chest…all of it simply sings to me and makes for a delightfully bizarre boss. 

Roo & Bruce – Streets of Rage 3

Man, the place to start with these two. A clown with a whip and a kangaroo sporting boxing gloves. That proper there sounds just like the worst Pornhub search ever. Then you definately see that the clown’s identify is Bruce. Ugh, horrible. “Hello children, I’m Bruce the clown.” That feels bizarre simply typing it. Strive saying it out loud. I wager you’ll really feel the best way you do after an extended flight. Even John Wayne Gacy knew you needed to have a enjoyable clown identify.

Take the unbridled terror of a clown named Bruce and throw in a kangaroo that has that underrated chimpanzee-type energy and will actually uppercut your head off and you’ve got a boss that I do know led to a couple of exclamation of “WTF” approach again when. Although I do love which you can unlock Roo as a playable character. I’m an enormous fan of unlocking bosses as characters in beat ’em ups. Felt like a cool reward for stopping a clown named Bruce from including you to his flesh zoo.

Makeshift Villain – Ninja Baseball Batman

Have you ever ever seen a Home Centipede? I hadn’t up till a couple of years in the past. After I did, my mind couldn’t course of what I used to be taking a look at. There was no psychological level of reference for me to check it to No picture, no reminiscence from a nature documentary, nothing that gave me the slightest clue find out how to categorize what I used to be taking a look at. My mind simply went fuzzy, like taking part in a degraded VHS tape. That occurred to me once more trying on the Makeshift Villain. My first thought was oh, that is what occurs when Jim Henson goes to his darkish place. This seems to be like a mistake. An elemental flaw. Just like the universe one way or the other bought a splinter and the an infection round it coagulated into this creature. I don’t assume the shotgun is absolutely obligatory, both. Simply have it converse the phrases of ending which are carved onto its coronary heart and actuality is made null as soon as extra.

The Common (Third type) – Alien Storm

The third type for the Common in Alien Storm is that this flesh blender coated in eyes. Take me away to Margaritaville the place my soul will likely be rendered down like fats to be rubbed into the folds of the Nice One’s Destroyer type. That is simply traditional “bizarre boss” design. The primary two varieties pull in parts from Altered Beast and a bit from Splatterhouse with bizarre, elongated limbs and faces and every part is simply moist pores and skin. Then the third part hits and it’s downright Lovecraftian. Enjoyable occasions.

I confirmed this to Zoey Handley and she or he identified the way it seems to be like a shawarma cone. You possibly can’t unsee it. I’m hungry and horrified in equal measure. I by no means had the possibility to play this again within the day, however you wager your candy bippy once I lastly did, I did a psychological sluggish clap when that third part popped up. That’s the way you shock the participant with one thing insane and memorable.

Mom Mind – Armored Warriors

What has two heads, three brains, and a face solely a mom might love? It’s Mom Mind! To not be confused with its Metroid counterpart, this Mom Mind is extra Energy Ranger villain, positively extra within the Megazord part than something Samus would cope with. I’ve all the time had a keenness for mecha designs that incorporate fleshy bits and three monstrous brains encased in glass overlaying the completely huge robotic physique is simply peak evil alien robotic overlord design. Additionally, the dragon heads resemble geese simply sufficient to make me chuckle. It’s the sort of bizarre enjoyable boss

Ultimate Boss – Growl

I had by no means heard of Growl till just lately. It’s mainly Indiana Jones as a forest ranger combating a worldwide poaching ring. Fairly commonplace difficulty stuff till you get to the ultimate boss. He’s this hunched over determine with an evil clown face and claws who would positively be at dwelling in a Little Nemo caricature. Okay, odd selection however positive. Perhaps the builders had a bunch of concepts pinned to a board and threw a dart. However after you beat the clown man, he falls over and a large caterpillar bursts out of his again. You discover out that this large caterpillar is the precise remaining boss and was controlling the poachers.

Holy shit, what a reveal. Fully out of left discipline and I’m grinning like an fool. Additionally, it’s good to see caterpillars get some villain love for as soon as. Everybody thinks a centipede is creepy, however nobody is afraid of a caterpillar. This exhibits they are often scary too! All in all, if this was just a few dart hitting the fitting place on a board, then I couldn’t be happier. 

Catfish – Fort Crashers

Fort Crashers nails it on so many ranges and I genuinely needed to assume on which boss I needed to select for this record. Whereas the Corn boss is a favourite of mine, there’s one thing concerning the Catfish with its cute but menacing qualities that made me choose it. I believe it has to do with the tooth. Because the resident knowledgeable on all issues obscura dentata, I can say with confidence that these lengthy, yellowed horse-like tooth and beady frog eyes stick with you, begging you to ask the unanswerable query, “Why?” The world stays silent.

Mike Haggar’s Ponytail – Ultimate Struggle 3

Okay, I do know he isn’t a boss however humor me. Simply take a look at it. That is anathema to a harmonious common existence and a roadblock to a greater world. I don’t know what character designer thought Mike Haggar went into enterprise operating a reptile sales space on the Jacksonville Gun and Knife Present however on this home, Mike Haggar doesn’t have a ponytail.