Not as tantalizing as IHOP: Highway Journey

I’ve been to Hooters in some unspecified time in the future throughout my teen years. I can let you know that each one the hormones on this planet wouldn’t take away from how awkward I felt. I’d say it was mutual disgrace, like getting your genitals waxed, however I don’t know who would take that job not feeling comfy with the implications. So, the disgrace was all me. It’s like going to a strip membership; I perceive the aim, however I’m nonetheless afraid to make eye contact. On the very least, I respect a spot that strikes ogling out of parks and seashores and right into a consensual surroundings, however I’ve injury within the ogling heart of my mind.

Consider it or not, Hooters really had a online game. Kind of like how McDonald’s had McDonald’s Treasure Land Journey, besides as a substitute of mascots, there are tits. Additionally, just like the video games McDonald’s licensed, there isn’t any meals. Not just like the core attraction at Hooters is the meals – let’s not child ourselves – however chances are you’ll surprise what they may probably translate right into a sport. I’ve received a whole lot of concepts, however the one they went with is driving. Hooters: Highway Journey has you journey throughout the USA to varied restaurant areas.

Cheesy, but unplayable

I totally love a street journey sport. Even the worst can get my consideration by idea alone. I’d be mendacity if I mentioned that’s what attracted me to Hooters: Highway Journey. It’s not the promise of tight, white t-shirts straining on the seams, both. It’s as a result of it’s unhealthy, clearly. Although, I can’t think about anybody having such ardour for the subject material that they’d pour their expertise into the ultimate product. I wouldn’t in any respect be shocked if the license got here up as an afterthought and so they slapped it on some prototype the lead developer was mucking round with.

Really, I won’t be all that far off. The programmer is listed within the credit as simply “Miracle Designs,” like nobody on the workforce needed to be related to it. Miracle Designs would go on to launch a slew of animal mascot cart racers on PS1, resembling ATV Racer and XS Airboat Racing. I’ve by no means performed any of them, so I’m not going to touch upon them, it’s simply stunning to me that you just’d identify a cartoonish sport about animals driving automobiles as one thing unimaginative as ATV Racer. They have been launched round 2003 and 2004, late into the PS2’s lifespan, so I doubt anybody was betting on their success.

Hooters: Highway Journey was launched in 2002, two years after the launch of the PS2. It’s not that first rate video games didn’t come out after the launch of the PlayStation 2, however the launch of a brand new console is just like the expiry date on a carton of milk. It’s not but assured to be unhealthy, however the additional previous that date you go, the extra seemingly you might be to get a mouthful of rancid curds.

How ya doin’, sugah?

As talked about earlier, the sport is ready up as a street journey throughout the USA to quite a lot of totally different Hooters areas. I say “street journey” as a result of that’s what Hooters: Highway Journey implies, however actually it’s a race, which raises every kind of questions. In a whole lot of methods, it’s harking back to Cruis’n USA. I’m not likely a fan of Cruis’n USA to start with, nevertheless it no less than had redeeming values. Hooters: Highway Journey doesn’t.

Properly, I suppose there’s one. After each race, you’re welcomed to the situation by a waitress, presumably from that space’s department. That’s good and all, nevertheless it’s low-quality, PS-era, compressed video. It’s straightforward to see tits in approach greater high quality today. Alternatively, it will need to have been cool for these waitresses to be featured in a online game. That’s assuming they’re really simply waitresses and never fashions posing as them. That will be type of dumb. I can’t discover wherever that they’re credited, so it’s exhausting to verify. I can positively let you know they aren’t actors, that’s for sure.

I’m simply hoping that the Jacksonville girl is doing effectively. Like, perhaps she’s moved on to be a dentist or one thing cool.

It’s not the journey, it’s the vacation spot

And then you definately get all the way down to taking part in the sport, and that’s the place issues go horrifically awry. You possibly can return to picturing Cruis’n USA, however then add the imaginative and prescient of taking part in it on an outdated Blockbuster kiosk the place the N64 joystick has gone limp from overuse. It controls prefer it’s upset with you. Prefer it’s so drained off you telling it what to do this it’s going to be a dick about it.

To be extra particular, automobiles oversteer like Hooters: Highway Journey is attempting to simulate what it’s prefer to drive shortly after an alcohol bender and a day of driving on the Gravitron. I actually am struggling to consider a single driving sport that controls worse. It’s widespread for some video games to intentionally hamper you automotive’s controls, and so they don’t go almost as exhausting as Hooters: Highway Journey.

Perhaps it’s fortunate that the tracks are all variations of straight strains. The extent design is like an early raster racer; only a bunch of mild curves that by no means loop round on themselves. In a way, it’s a relatively practical interpretation of driving the nation’s highways. Or it could be if the highways have been so slim they may barely accommodate two automobiles. For some cause, my mind brings to thoughts Mickey’s Speedway USA and saying, “wouldn’t it’s a lot cooler if the tracks have been extra like this?” Sure, it could, mind, however right here we’re, touring from Fort Lauderdale to Jacksonville many times.

The street much less traveled

If we’re being honest to the builders, Hooters: Highway Journey was supposedly launched at a cut price worth of $9.99. That makes it considerably much like Burger King’s endeavors on Xbox: Sneak King, Pocket Bike Racer, and Massive Bumpin’. However these video games have been satisfactory distractions, and this doesn’t even attain that lofty declare. I’d make a comparability to the meals at an precise Hooters restaurant, however as soon as once more, that might be suggesting it’s mediocre, and we’re effectively wanting that.

It’s extra like Hooters: Highway Journey is a plot by Hooters executives to get extra folks into their restaurant by destroying the credibility of all different types of leisure. Like, if this was flanked by “Hooters: To the Rescue” in theatres and “Hooters on Ice,” the phantasm can be full. When all different types of leisure are boring at greatest and torturous more often than not, we’ll at all times have breasts to fall again on.

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