Table of Contents
It is the Return of Occamsdex! – Destructoid
No Snorlaxes had been harmed within the creation of this put up.
Generally, when a brand new Pokémon sport nears, questions loom. Pokémon are mysterious creatures. The place do they arrive from? What are their natures? Why do professors ship youngsters out into the world on unpaid scientific internships and have them take part in illicit, unethical animal fights?
Effectively, as an alternative of doing that final half, right here at Destructoid we often flip to Occams for solutions about Pokémon as an alternative, through the encyclopedic Occamsdex. It’s higher than getting arrested for unpaid little one labor and/or creating a brand new Micheal Vick.
And thus, we requested the Destructoid group to submit Pokémon for his judgment as soon as extra!
Neronium – Hisuian Zoroa
All I see is a huge sperm making an attempt to burrow its manner into the cranium. That explains its unhappy eyes.
Seymour – Goodra
Anybody right here sufficiently old to recollect Denver the Final Dinosaur? For these of you who don’t, Denver was a short-lived cartoon within the ’80s a couple of dinosaur who, regardless of being the final of his form, led a cheerful and productive life skateboarding and cavorting with tweens. Anywhoo, this one appears as if Denver was used to deal with the spirit of Paimon from Hereditary.
RLZ – Psyduck
Psyduck! I truly know this one! Love the look on its face. Did it simply stroll in on its dad and mom participating in diaper play? Did it see somebody leap to their loss of life, eternally altering the course of their life as they’re pressured to deal with sudden and sudden trauma imposed upon them? Or maybe they’ve simply borne witness to the glory that’s Paimon.
Churros89 – Dunsparce
Sleepy caterpillar buttplug.
Dephoenix – Vulpix
If China made a knockoff of The Lion King, this child can be Simba.
Zalno – Feraligatr
I really like how this factor has cargo pockets constructed into its legs. There’s a allure to the older Pokémon designs the place all of them kinda had a “cardboard taped collectively” vibe.
Jesus, that’s an enormous tongue. Is the mind within the tongue, like how dinosaurs had brains of their tails as a result of they had been too huge and dumb to function on one mind? Is that really true? That sounds made up… like one thing adults informed children to have slightly chuckle at their gullibility.
GoofierBrute – Arceus
A Bayonetta boss snuck into Pokémon. I guess that is what Psyduck sees every time he appears within the sky and that’s why he’s so cracked out. Are the chemtrails a part of it too? Perhaps that’s its aura. It positively appears like a creature that will have a visual aura. Like David Bowie. There it’s. David Bowie Pokémon.
Cockaroach – Trubbish
Keep in mind in Willow when Willow was making an attempt to show the sorceress again right into a human, and she or he was like half-ostrich/half-lion for a second? That’s what’s taking place right here. This can be a creature that has been twisted collectively and its authentic kind is misplaced to it.
What is occurring with these tentacles? Like potato arms with sweet cysts? Jesus, that creature is in ache and my coronary heart goes out to it.
Taterchimp – Bidoof
I as soon as used Bidoof’s entrance tooth to separate a pile of coke with Truman Capote at Studio 54.
EtosiGiR – Scyther
If The Guyver had been a child’s present, then this is able to be one of many Zoanoids.
TheIntern – Duskull
Someplace, on the market, a stripper has this tattooed on her hip. It’s positively in memoriam to her dad and she or he smiles a tragic, candy smile each time she appears within the mirror and sees it.
Due to the Destructoid group for his or her participation and to our Pokémon professor Occams for gracing us along with his Pokemon knowledge on this all-new Occamsdex. Get pleasure from Pokemon Scarlet/Violet!