Put it again within the cut price bin

I solely knew two issues earlier than buying 2007’s Heavenly Guardian on PS2. First, it was going to be a sport within the Pocky & Rocky sequence, solely possibly not likely. It seemed to be aiming extra at Kiki Kaikai, which the Pocky & Rocky video games are the sequels to, however I’m not going to get into the finer particulars of why they’re nearly two separate sequence. The fast model is that this: Kiki Kaikai is Taito; Pocky & Rocky is Natsume. Sure, because of this Pocky & Rocky with Becky is extra part of the Kiki Kaikai sequence.

Anyway, that’s boring. The second factor I knew about Heavenly Guardian going into it’s that it’s thought of to be kusoge.

Completely totally different

In keeping with articles main as much as the discharge of Heavenly Guardian, the title was initially going to be Kiki Kaikai 2. Nevertheless, Sq. Enix purchased up Taito within the midst of growth and determined they didn’t need a new Kiki Kaikai sport. So, Starfish canceled it. Then they revealed Kiki Kai World, which you’ll discover is one “kai” away from copyright infringement. They insisted that wasn’t simply the canceled Kiki Kaikai 2 renamed. That is perhaps true since Heavenly Guardian does have a variety of identifiable variations from the early screenshots. Nevertheless, palette swapping the heroine and dropping a “kai” doesn’t imply it’s not slightly too near an current license. So, finally, we wound up with Heavenly Guardian.

I raised the query of whether or not or not this was extra of a Pocky & Rocky successor or a sport nearer to the Kiki Kaikai arcade sport, and the reply is: no. It’s neither. It’s a large number.

Don’t get me incorrect, it’s a top-down run-and-gun like the opposite video games in its would-be sequence. Its affect is obvious. The facility-up system is analogous, and the enemies are taken from Japanese folklore. It’s only a matter of circulate. It doesn’t match both sequence. It’s not as tanuki-balls out as Pocky & Rocky, nor does it have the stiff, quarter-munching mentality of Kiki Kaikai. No, it feels extra like a homebrew fangame.

Ungodly

Truly, the very first thing that struck me after I noticed its 2D artwork model is these commercial Flash video games from the ‘00s. There’d be a cartoon, and to advertise that cartoon and preserve youngsters adverts on their webpage, firms would fee little video games to promote them. It’s all easy strains and computerized gradients. Lifeless, I’d name it, particularly when paired with some fairly sparse animation.

Most egregiously, it has no actual feeling of influence, so it’s not all the time apparent whenever you’re being hit or the enemy is. Pocky & Rocky had characters who threw scrolls and leaves, but it surely nonetheless made positive you knew whenever you did harm via this fixed a-wok-a-wok-a-wok-a sound. There’s one boss, particularly, that has two sorts of assaults: one which does harm and one other that reverses your controls however doesn’t harm you. I needed to preserve my life gauge as a result of, within the second, I had no thought to inform if one thing did harm or simply reversed my controls.

It doesn’t assist that the weapons really feel like butt and never in a great way. You decide up gems to alter your weapon, and in the event you decide up the identical coloured gem, you improve that weapon. This comes within the taste of speedy, three-way, homing, and bomb. Speedy, I don’t even perceive since you usually shoot quickly. The truth is, you probably have a three-way, you possibly can shoot sooner the nearer you get to your goal. It’s the traditional projectile sprite limitation. In case you shorten the space they journey, the following set can spawn faster.

As for the upgrades, you need to squint to see the distinction they make. I sometimes caught to three-ways, since homing and bomb have been disappointing and, once more, I don’t see the purpose of speedy. I feel upgrading any of the branches of firepower simply makes them stronger, however I didn’t see any tangible proof of that. Bosses show their well being as a numeric worth, and it appeared like it doesn’t matter what projectile you hit them with, it all the time does 2 harm. So… I suppose simply improve your weapons to make the imperceptibly higher. They’re positively improved, you simply received’t understand how.

Boss-level mediocrity

The bosses of Heavenly Guardian deserve particular point out for being unexciting and tedious. If I present you a screenshot of them, they most likely look all proper. Then you definately get into fight with them and understand it’s means too straightforward to both cancel their assaults or discover that good spot to take a seat the place most of their extraordinarily predictable assaults simply go proper by you.

Then again, they’ve mountains of well being. I famous above that each projectile appears to do a base 2 harm each time it makes contact. Properly, bosses generally have round 400 well being. Now, you don’t essentially should hit them 200 instances to win, as your three-way can have an effect on them thrice and bomb appears to suck down a cluster of well being. Nevertheless, it nonetheless takes a ridiculously very long time. They pull out further assaults as their well being will get decrease, so attempt to not dislocate your interocular lenses whenever you roll your eyes after getting killed once they’re right down to 50 well being.

I suppose each sport deserves to be obtainable

There are a couple of instances I’ve picked up a sport I knew was poorly obtained and, after a couple of minutes of truly enjoying, thought, “oh no, what have I gotten myself into?” This was considered one of them, as even earlier than ending the primary degree, a nauseous feeling was bowling in my intestine in protest to truly having to play any extra Heavenly Guardian. Sooner or later, I turned to my canine and promised that after I hit the proceed display screen once more, I’d put the sport down and stroll away.

There was no such solace, as after persevering with as soon as on the primary degree, I by no means needed to once more. To hell with my mad gamer expertise! I begrudgingly wound up seeing the ending a couple of hours later.

I can solely think about that shedding the Kiki Kaikai license was such a blow that the lead designer locked themselves within the rest room and refused to return out. Like, they deliberate on placing effort into the sport, misplaced the license, and have been simply, like, “Properly, let’s throw the scraps collectively and push it out the door.” I really feel like believing that there was as soon as ardour behind this challenge, however little or no of it exhibits within the remaining product.

Though I performed the PS2 model of the sport, it got here to my consideration which you could get Heavenly Guardian on Steam and Swap below the identify Snow Battle Princess Sayuki. I discover this info distressing. It is best to most likely get Pocky & Rocky Reshrined as a substitute.

For earlier Weekly Kusoge, examine this hyperlink!